Sweet, Bitter, Sweet

For the past few days, I've been getting ready to leave my classroom. I prepared myself for the task of getting rid of EIGHT YEARS worth of teaching materials. For the first three years, I taught every subject. In the past five, I've taught only math and science. I had a lot of stuff to sift through.

SWEET: I was surprised at first by how much fun it was. Instead of having to organize and put crap away for next year, I felt so liberated to get rid of it! I made three piles: stuff to throw away, stuff to give away, and a very small pile of stuff to keep. It was really good to purge.

BITTER: I kept working, long into the afternoon, alone in my classroom. I began finding many happy memories from teaching. Old photographs of students that are now in college, lessons that I really enjoyed teaching in elementary school, and all the nick nacks (sp?!) students have given me over the years (at least, the ones I didn't already throw away). I just HAPPENED to be listening to a really sad song, "I Will Remember You," by Ryan Cabrera. To help you fully appreciate my state of mind, I'll put a few of the lyrics here:

Eight years later
Time goes by fast
Got my memories
And they will last
I try to keep it simple cause I hate goodbyes
I try to keep it simple by telling myself that

I, I will remember you
And all of the things that we've gone through
There is so much I could say
But words get in the way so
When we're not together
I will remember you

Yeah, those are the exact words. And the rest just got me crying even more. I have really enjoyed teaching. I have wanted to be a teacher since FOURTH GRADE, and I've really FELT like a teacher for at least the last 10 years. I feel like I am a good teacher; not amazing or the best ever, but good. It's something I feel like I was born to do. I am leaving a part of myself behind for a while. Now, thank goodness, I don't feel like it's a mistake. Even through my tears, I felt strongly that the sadness wasn't regret or panic, just that I'll miss this; I'll miss the kids and their silliness, the fulfilling part where they really understand something, and the fun colleagues. So, I shed some tears during the song and really felt the weight of my decision to leave.

SWEET: I kept rummaging, filing, and throwing things away until I found some of the funniest kid quotes of all my years. They were writing their country reports, and these are some of the gems:

"The rain in England usually falls."
"One gloomy day in 1291, William's father died from English troops."
"Temples and synagogues are where Muslims, Druze, and Christians in Israel come to prey and gather." (yes, prey is the way the student spelled it!)
"Some people that live in America also speak Spanish and Canadian."

And I wasn't sad anymore!

I also went to graduation, and that was great. Now, I don't really understand or support the whole EIGHTH-GRADE graduation thing--I mean, come on, they're only going to high school, it's not really a graduation! But I had a lot of special students graduate this year and I wanted to be with them. They were all dressed up and looked great. I loved the feeling that I actually may have had some effect on their lives. They waved and smiled as they processed passed me and I even got a few pictures.




Besides, how sad can I really be when I get to come home to this?!

Definitely more sweet than bitter! :)